Dear Abby: My adult sons won’t stop fighting with each other

DEAR ABBY: My hubby and I are nan parents of 3 grown sons. Our mediate boy (“Kurt,” property 29) has been successful conflict pinch his younger relative (“Jared,” property 26) for much than a year. Kurt started doing stand-up drama but still useful a time occupation to salary his bills. Jared now has besides started doing comedy. We fishy nan disagreement started good earlier they did stand-up, but now location is name-calling, and some garbage to beryllium successful nan aforesaid room arsenic nan other. 

Kurt has not attended a family gathering wherever Jared is successful attendance for much than a year. Recently, Kurt said he would be our holidays and could beryllium civil, but now Jared says he won’t beryllium successful nan aforesaid room pinch him since they person had nary dialogue, and nan individual attacks were not addressed. He wants Kurt to beryllium held accountable. 

They had 1 associated counseling session. Both recovered it counterproductive. My sons are adults, and we can’t show them really to unrecorded their lives. Kurt wants Jared to discontinue drama because he feels it is an penetration of his life arsenic good arsenic his friend circle. Kurt has said mean things to these shared friends. Jared has apologized to Kurt for his past behavior, which included excessive drinking and different destructive activities. 

As you tin imagine, we don’t find immoderate of this funny. We, arsenic parents, don’t cognize really to grip this. Your proposal is greatly appreciated. — PARENTS IN TURMOIL IN OHIO

DEAR PARENTS: You can’t hole this. Your sons are adults and will person to scope a detente connected their own. Continue to induce some of your sons to family gatherings, and dream that yet Jared will mellow. Comedy is simply a reliable field. May nan champion comedian beryllium near standing.

DEAR ABBY: I person had a housecleaner helping maine to return attraction of my location for nan past 30 years. She comes sometimes each week, sometimes each different week. She useful part-time astatine different job, and we activity astir her schedule. When I retired 5 years agone and nan pandemic began, I was sitting afloat clip for my grandkids. Everyone is successful schoolhouse now, and I deliberation I would for illustration to cleanable nan location myself. I bask cleaning, but I welcomed nan thief erstwhile I was moving afloat clip pinch my kids and past nan grandkids. 

My housecleaner and I are friends and sojourn erstwhile she’s here. I americium wondering really to spell astir ending this relationship, arsenic good arsenic what I beryllium her for her loyalty and help. — CLEANING HOUSE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CLEANING HOUSE: Talk to your housekeeper and explicate to her what you are thinking. Offer her respective months’ salary. Then, alternatively of cutting her disconnected completely, inquire if she would travel to you erstwhile a period “to drawback immoderate spots you miss, arsenic good arsenic to visit.” (You said you person go friends.) After doing nan housecleaning for a period aliases so, you whitethorn find it isn’t arsenic enjoyable arsenic you remembered and summation nan woman’s visits if she is still available. Good housekeepers are difficult to find, and she whitethorn beryllium busy.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, besides known arsenic Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby astatine www.DearAbby.com aliases P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.