Florida is perfect for elderly people — even the gators wear dentures

Studying a wide area

I conscionable returned from Florida. Great state. Even their alligators person dentures. Newborns make their presence astatine property 72. Potty chair? We’re talking wheelchair. Want nan bottle? That intends Metamucil. Holiday gifts are diapers for everyone.

Those not subsidizing their gestation pinch Social Security are touring. Me, having been everyplace isolated from for downtown Madagascar because I don’t cognize wherever that point is, I dainty you to immoderate recreation tales.

In nan heights

Bhutan. Up. Very up. Like up nan measurement precocious Eastern Himalayas are — arsenic if anything’s happening successful nan Western Himalayas. Previously locked successful because of nan aged pandemic.

Those Himalayas are precocious up. Real precocious up. Tshering Tobgay the PM is young. Handsome. Educated here. Speaks cleanable United States. If heading there, hide inviting me. I get a epistaxis supra a mezzanine.

Thai’d down

Bangkok. One of my friend Queen Sirikit’s staffers arranged nan stay. An other sofa — doubling arsenic a pull-out furniture — was unfastened successful nan surviving room. One nighttime nan telephone rang. Running to reply it I fell smack crossed this pull-out’s alloy underpinnings. My limb was trim open.

Party police

Indonesia. I’m location penning its first president’s autobio. Sukarno invites maine to his 90-minute schlep-away play retreat but I don’t cognize wherever my driver’s headed. No lights connected nan transportation achromatic road. Strange for what’s to beryllium a statement atmosphere. Guards creep from hidden bushes. Surround nan car. Rifles pointed.

My knowledge of their Bahasa language? Nil. Their English? Zero. The guards, nervous. No lights anywhere. I outcry I’m invited. They don’t understand. Rifles point. My driver’s panicking. Finally immoderate serviceman appears, makes a telephone call. Suddenly, down travel barriers, up comes a convoy from nan shrubbery and I’m escorted to nan beforehand door.

The president himself appears. Barefoot. Pajamas. Says to me: “Why are you here? The party’s tomorrow!”

A spot to isle distant nan days

Papeete, Tahiti. Marlon Brando’s past home — 7 hours by a Hollywood jet, minutes disconnected nan only road, short driveway, nary gatekeeper, nary gross astatine all, nary ID nameplate, down South Pacific coconut, mango, banana and papaya trees, 5 minutes from Faa’a Airport stood Brando’s souped up motorcycle.

Tarita, Marlon’s past beautiful live-in Tahitian dancer roommate — precocious cheekbones, large eyes, waist smaller than my wrist — said: “I person nary thief successful nan house. No maid, servant, navigator aliases laundrywoman. I do each nan cooking, cleaning, washing myself. He wants to relax truthful it isn’t correct to person personification other disturb him.” Yeah, right.

“I put nan straw mats down. And pinch my sewing instrumentality I sewed our agelong yellowish drapes and achromatic curtains and I hung them up, too. But he helped. He bought maine a washing machine.”

I informed her she’d ne'er make it successful New York.

Home successful nan USA, I visited Hollywood. I asked 1 prima really galore bathrooms were successful his Hollywood Hills mansion. He said proudly: “I tin spot 16.”

Only successful Hollywood, kids, only successful Hollywood.

See you successful a bit, I’m disconnected adjacent week to remainder my bones.