I tried out for the Rockettes on a reality TV show as a teen — and this made me realize I didn’t want to be one

I was 17 years old, wearing thing but a achromatic leotard, nude tights and an intolerable brace of 2-inch heeled Capezio characteristic shoes arsenic a camera unit followed my anxiety-ridden peers and maine successful nan rehearsal hallway of Radio City Music Hall.

How did I extremity up here? Considering it was my — and my mother’s — dream to beryllium a Radio City Rockette, I signed up to audition for “The Rockette Summer Intensive” almost 15 years ago. It was a demanding, weeklong, footwear camp-like programme wherever eager young women danced their hearts out, praying they would guidelines retired capable to perchance beryllium offered nan opportunity of a life — a coveted spot connected nan world-famous kickline.

The aforesaid twelvemonth I signed up to audition for nan intensive pinch hundreds of different girls — which has since been replaced by 2 different summertime programs and operates otherwise — MSG Network was piloting a cablegram reality TV-type show featuring 10 somewhat naive, aspiring Rockettes.

To beryllium considered for nan show, I submitted a janky video of myself performing pinch my New Jersey precocious schoolhouse creation team, and overmuch to my surprise, I was selected for what would go a life-changing acquisition — but not for nan logic you’d expect. 

The unit followed maine and nan 9 different section tri-state area girls around, “Real Housewives”-style, arsenic we performed what felt for illustration 1,000 kicks to movie nan opening credits of nan show astatine an quiet Radio City successful nan wee greeting hours.

I didn’t recognize it astatine nan time, but watching it now, nan magic of reality-produced play was apparent. They honed successful connected 1 girl’s injury, which resulted successful her terribly messing up her audition.

Another castmate revealed to nan cameras that she irresponsibly went to a performance nan nighttime earlier nan audition and was moving connected quiet fumes — which led viewers to judge she was going to rustle her chances of nailing her audition.

And of course, erstwhile it came to me, nan cameras made judge to zoom successful connected my panicked look successful that audition room — fortunately for nan crew, I looked genuinely petrified nan full time.

I was pulled speech to do green-screen confessionals, each while trying to get done nan audition process without crying — aliases throwing up — from some exhaustion and nerves.

I didn’t really propulsion up, but I was adjacent to it.

I retrieve being a shot of nerves and anxiety, wondering really I sewage myself into this situation.

When it was clip to unfastened my acceptance — aliases rejection — email to nan program, it was successful beforehand of a movie unit successful my parents’ kitchen. My camera-averse mom was truthful tense for maine that she sneakily filled up a solid of vino to chug successful our laundry room astatine 3 p.m. connected a Wednesday.

She admitted it to maine aft nan fact, and my family still laughs astir it to this day.

I sewage accepted and I was relieved, excited and apprehensive knowing that this travel had conscionable begun.

The time of auditions was only a mini glimpse into what nan weeklong programme was going to entail — and that was a spot terrifying. I knew I was a bully dancer, but ne'er considered myself to beryllium amazing, for illustration immoderate of nan different girls who had nan aforesaid dreams arsenic me.

Looking backmost now, I whitethorn person been typecast arsenic nan “rookie pinch potential” — but astatine nan time, I was conscionable relieved that I didn’t person to publication a rejection email to a camera.  

Every time was an exhausting six-hour time of training — thing existent Rockettes are accustomed to — afloat of aggravated warm-ups followed by drilling Christmas routines dozens of times and, of course, hundreds of kicks.

Afterward astatine home, much drilling. I was truthful anxious that I wouldn’t retrieve nan routines. I’d aftermath up each greeting limping around, trying to get my tights on.

This programme was 1 of nan hardest things I ever did, some mentally and physically — possibly still to this day, but particularly astatine 17. The scariest portion of each of this was that everything was documented for TV, astatine a clip erstwhile Facebook was hardly a point and nary 1 was utilizing their camera phones to their afloat potential.

Admittedly, each time that week, I tried brainstorming an wounded I could clone to excuse myself from nan programme early. Not because I wasn’t enjoying it aliases that it wasn’t worthwhile — but because I was an insecure teen who doubted herself.

It didn’t thief erstwhile nan pros starring nan intensive revealed connected camera my biggest insecurities astir my method arsenic a dancer for nan world to spot — that’s capable to traumatize a teen. I retrieve them saying that immoderate of my moves weren’t crisp capable aliases that I had to activity connected my skills.

We were a group of precocious schoolhouse girls desperately trying to get noticed by some nan cameras and nan program’s head — a look for cattiness, arsenic 1 could imagine. I retrieve asking 1 of nan girls a mobility astir a regular we were learning and she only talked to maine erstwhile nan cameras were rolling. This gave maine a sensation of some reality TV and nan world of creation — and I didn’t attraction for either.

I was successful a room among truthful galore incredibly talented dancers who would springiness their near kidney to beryllium a Rockette — yet I was much fascinated pinch nan operations of nan TV show than thing else. I loved nan workings of nan cameras and being on-screen — each of nan pre- and postproduction activity excited me. 

The show was an unthinkable acquisition for galore reasons, but chiefly because it helped maine determine what I wanted to do pinch my life — and what I wanted to time off behind.

At nan time, I thought I would pursuit nan dream of becoming a Rockette aliases master dancer passim my adulthood, but this acquisition helped maine recognize that I wanted to activity successful media — thing I would’ve ne'er known if it wasn’t for that TV vulnerability arsenic a teen.

While I didn’t go a Rockette, alternatively than autumn down successful life for illustration nan Parade of nan Wooden Soldiers dance, I kicked my measurement to my ain Spectacular.